Four Years Ago...

Yesterday I met a woman who is early twenties, married for 28 days and new to the island with her Army husband. This is their first duty station, they are far away from family and they have so much ahead of them. Talking to her took me back to June of 2005, when I was 22, we had been married 2 months (two weeks together at that point) and we were brand spankin' new to the island. I couldn't help at look back at the past four years. I feel like both James and I have matured a lot as individuals, really grown as a couple, and learned more than I could ever write here or anywhere else. Here are the easiest things to articulate about what I've learned since we were young newlyweds at our first duty station:

* A Costco membership is worth it, even if it is only the two of you

* I've learned to trust my husband's judgment and honor his wishes.

* I've learned how to have a civil disagreement without running away and clamming up or yelling and accusing.

* I've learned to pray for him instead of nag at him.

* I've learned that married life and parenting are the two most selfless things a person can ever do. The past four years have been a process of coming to terms with the self-discipline and dedication it takes to be a good parent, wife and keeper-at-home.

* I married the right man for me.

* I knew children would be a lot of work, but even so, I underestimated the emotional and physical energy they would demand. I've learned to try to balance what they need and what I need, even though I've oscillated between both ends of the spectrum.

* I've learned that yelling at my children doesn't accomplish anything, but I haven't quite accomplished stopping. Yes, my children yell because I set that example.

* I've learned how to take care of myself without putting others on the back burner. If I don't exercise I get grouchy. If I don't eat, I can't think. If I don't sleep, just put me back to bed.

*I've learned, and then come to terms with the fact that there are definite phases in life. The things that I was doing as a young single are not the things that I will be able to give or do now. Eventually I hope to get past changing diapers and soiled clothes to the point where I can give back to others who are where I am now. Hopefully that happens within 30 years or so.

* I've learned to reach out for help when I need it, even if I know I can't reciprocate the favor. I've been humbled to tears at how willing friends are to help when there is a need.

* I've learned that even when I feel like God is so far away, he is really carrying me through those difficult times. I've learned that when I come back to a place where I can put more energy into that relationship, he is right there to pick it back up again. His patience is humbling.

* I've learned that even though I thought of myself as a patient person, it's not enough for a husband and two children. I need a power higher than myself to get through without destroying everyone close to me.

* I've learned, and come to terms with the fact that I am not in complete control of my life.

* I've learned that friendships look and feel different in this phase of life than ever before, but I've also learned to appreciate the friends I have now on a deeper level than ever before.

* I've learned that life is tough. Life is wonderful. Life can suck. Life can rock. Life is peaceful and happy. Life is dark and scary. None of that is what makes me joyful or at peace.